Did you catch today’s gallup poll on steroids? It showed 62% of baseball fans believe that Roger Clemens should enter the Hall of Fame, but only 46% believe Barry Bonds should. Hmmmm. The poll also showed 55% of fans think players linked in the Mitchell Report for using performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) should NOT be punished, but only 37% felt that way before the report. Translation: When 18% of fans learned the investigation wasn’t purely "The Bonds Report", they changed their mind… Further translation: Hmmmm…

We’ve been quiet on the steroids front amidst all of the soap operas, federal inquisitions, and the greatest “benefit-of-the-doubt-job” in sports media history (see Andy Pettitte). For both good and no-good reasons, the planned 6-part COSELLOUT epic series on baseball, steroids, and the Mitchell Report fell by the wayside. Perhaps we’ll expound later, but in light of such journalistic laziness, we’re just going to let our hair down and let it all hang out… Bull Durham style. However, this isn’t his big league media how-to advice, just classic Crash rants (original rant right here):


On Steroids:
“I believe that at least 70% of players from the last 15 years used performance enhancing drugs (PEDs). I believe that anyone surprised at Clemens inclusion in the Mitchell Report should be barred from discussing baseball. I believe if videotaped evidence came out tomorrow about potential hall-of-famers like Bonds, Clemens, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Ivan Rodriguez, Mike Piazza, Jeff Bagwell, Todd Helton, Juan Gonzalez, Jeff Kent, Roberto Alomar and others, my opinion of them would remain exactly the same[1]. I believe that none of these players are bad people, none should be investigated, none should be penalized, and scape-goating league-wide problems only serves some perverted inner need to feel better about ourselves. I believe players did not act alone, but with the silent consent and of Bud Selig, media, owners, baseball management (including George Bush), and probably you too. I believe a memo is not a policy, and real policies are defined by real consequences. I believe congressional hearings of baseball players are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing grand standing politicians and federal indictments for men who throw balls of string or wave sticks of wood. I believe Mike Schmidt is the one who shows honesty and integrity — when he admits that he probably would have used steroids if available in his day. I probably would have used them too.” 

On Steroids & Media: “I believe that Jose Canseco’s ‘Juiced’ is full of fact, ‘The Game of Shadows’ is full of fiction, and all authors involved care most about their “intensity of the fame”… and fortune. I believe that writer Tom Boswell – who called out steroid use in baseball back in 1988 when it was unpopular — can be as holy as he wants to be… even if he is wrong. I believe in having the same level of moral indignation about steroids in 2008 as in 1998. I believe that any media member who didn’t must have looked the other way or must look like Forest Gump. In either case, they forfeited any moral right to express any moral righteousness. Finally, I believe that most media members who say “what about the kids” don’t give a damn about the kids. I believe that this is proven by their daily unwillingness to: take on the 5000 beer commercials per football game; paint athletes as anything more than "villains or heroes"; or write more stories about positive player contributions."

On “The Bonds Effect”: “I believe the current steroids debate is an unintended outgrowth of the media’s well-documented hatred for Barry Bonds – often fueled by a combination of personal, personality, and racial biases. I believe the public shame by McGwire, Clemens, and many others is mostly Barry’s collateral damage. I believe if Big Mac were fingered before Big Barry, the debate would be much closer to the NFL one, and we would hear similar initial reactions like this Rick Reilly audio clip on Big Mac & Andro in 1998[2]. I believe this Gallup Poll today that shows public views on punishment before and after the Mitchell report only supports "the Bonds Effect". I believe that the media had a mountain of evidence to investigate steroids use in the 1990’s, but only a molehill of will. I believe that the media PROTECTED the likes of McGwire and Clemens until OUTSIDE entities[3] like Congress and the Mitchell Report painted many sports journalists into a corner[4]. I believe there is a reason why: two investigative best-sellers have been written about Barry, but not about anyone else; half the sports writing community turned into legal analysts after the Mitchell Report, but not before it; and most educated sports fans have never heard of ‘Operation Equine’, but my own mother has heard of ‘BALCO’.  

“Honor Amongst Sleaze”: “I believe The New York Daily News must be pointed out as — sit down for this! – by far and away the fairest coverage of steroids and baseball in mainstream media (grading on a curve!). Like Sergent Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, their honor is in their consistency: they tend to treat all suspected steroid users as equally worthless maggots! I believe that if the NY Daily News did not belatedly break the Operation Equine story one week earlier, Big Mac may not have sniffled in front of congress. I believe that if they had not broken the Rick Ankiel story or Andy Pettitte receiving PED’s from his father, no one else would. They are one of the few publications that gave Clemens the Bonds treatment from the outset of the Mitchell Report, and one of the only places that doesn’t believe Andy Pettitte is Andy Griffith or Opie or anyone else who grew up in Mayberry. I believe, at least on this one singular subject, they are the least influenced by which athlete they like or which athlete is white.”
 
Okay, enough about ‘roids, let’s move on to a couple of other pressing items:

 

 

 
On Cooperstown: “I believe no opposing Red Sox pitcher in the latter ‘70’s feared facing Carlton Fisk even half as much as they did Jim Rice. I believe if Rice kissed Boston media ass with just the right touch, he would have been inducted years ago. I believe that Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and even Mark McGwire are first ballot Hall of Famers – but not Rafael Palmiero. I believe Mother Teresa should not be accepted into the Baseball Hall-of-Fame, and Pete Rose should never be canonized. I believe any entity that accepts a corporate sponsored asterisk-laden ball, but will not officially question every single pre-1947 record is fundamentally a racist institution. I believe that the plaque of hard-line baseball segregationist Commissioner Kennesaw Mountain Landis which still reads: ‘his integrity and leadership established baseball in the respect, esteem, and affection of the American people’ only confirms this truth.” I believe Landis’ crime against the game is far worse than Shoeless Joe’s, and only one of them should be forgiven with an honorary plaque.”
 
 
On Baseball Greatness: “I believe Willie Mays would be “The Greatest Living Ball Player” only if his godson were dead. Even still Mays – or Hank — would not be the “Greatest Living Hitter”. That honor would go to “The Man” history has forgot: Stan Musial. I believe that Barry Bonds, Babe Ruth, and Josh Gibson should be the only players eligible for the G.O.A.T. discussion. I believe that the greatest single season and career achievements — Barry Bonds 232 walks in 2004 (120 intentional!) and Rickey Henderson’s 2190 career walk total (only 2.4 intentional per year) — should be Webster’s working definitions for “fear” and “patience”[5]. I believe that “streaks” have as much to do with luck as greatness, and celebrating them as baseball’s greatest achievements is as absurd as handing an MVP trophy to Joe D. over Ted (1941), Pendelton over Bonds (1991), and Mo Vaughn over Albert Belle (1995).”
 
 
I believe I’m done… for now.. That was great. Just boldly and righteously state opinions. Hey, it looks like I’m finally ready for a gig in mainstream sports media!

 

 

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[1] No, I have no proof. This is merely a belief based off of circumstantial evidence from a combination in major statistical anomalies often coinciding with increases/decreases in body mass relative to drug testing implementation.

[2] In the audioclip Reilly states: "My personal slant on it is, you know, if you can pop those pills and jerk 58 homers a year, you know, everybody would be jerking 58 homers a year. I mean, it still comes at you nasty 92 mph on a freakin’ rubber and you’ve got .5 seconds to make a decision whether to swing or not, and you got to hit in the middle, and it’s got to go 400 feet. I think that everybody is over estimating what this one little supplement does." The audioclip is necessary for Reilly’s tone. 

[3] Exception: The New York Daily News
 
[4] Bonds being so routinely condemned with such vitriol painted many media members into a corner. Some were basically forced to condemn the next generation of superstars as strongly or be accused of personal or racial bias. Some did so, some did not and showed their true colors, while other writers suddenly became Roger Cossack hanging on to the flimsiest distinctions in order to separate their hero from big bad Barry. In fairness a few writers were honestly equally indignant across the board.
 
[5] Why so remarkable? For the exact opposite reasons. Bonds was the very last person in baseball history any pitcher wanted to see at home plate while Rickey was the very last person in history that any pitcher wanted to send to first base. Ricky was the all-time walks leader before Barry broke it. Interestingly, Rickey was often tagged as selfish, but may have been one of the least selfish players to ever play the game sacrificing his batting average for a .400 career on-base percentage.